So after talking to a friend about giving feedback to people, it got me thinking about how I used to look at the world around me, compared to how I do now. My whole world seemed dim, dismal and crappy coloured. The opposite of rose-tinted specs! I saw the negative in every single situation, everything I saw and heard. It seemed it was impossible for anyone to do anything positive with me, because I was suspicious of it all. I always found reasons for why somebody was being nice to me: they wanted something in return, they wanted to hurt me but had to first earn my trust, they didn’t mean it etc. I could never believe they were genuine, that the things they did/said that was positive was real. At times I couldn’t even recognise the positives in other people’s behaviour towards me. I think deep down I didn’t think I deserved help and support, i was frightened of being hurt and I was set in my negative ways.
Now, I automatically do the opposite. I started with first being aware of and trying to see the positives in everything: especially the difficult situations. It helped for others to reflect positives to me as well, to point out when I’d done something well. And I started to learn that people grow and develop much quicker when you tell them what they do/did well in situations. I started to compliment other people, it helped to encourage and motivate me to see the positives in other people, and also in myself. It gave me a good feeling too. And instead of pushing away compliments others gave to me, I would force myself to smile and thank them, no matter how uncomfortable it felt. I can now happily accept compliments for what they are, and I hope I compliment others too. One small change, with one massive impact on my life, my confidence and self-esteem, my relationships with other people.
Instead of always saying ‘you did this shit’ or ‘you could have said that better’ start saying ‘you did this well’ and ‘you said this well’.