So for a few days now, if not a week or so, I have been in and out of stinking moods. Mostly in them than out. And I’m snappy, feeling tearful, and rather gloomy; like Eeyore. I’ve not been feeling too well. Plus I haven’t been sleeping well so I’m more tired than usual. And my car, a lifeline, is dying. I really enjoy driving to de-stress; probably because I can scream and shout at the actions of all those idiots on the road without them even knowing I’m doing it. Unless they nearly crash into me; then they get the rage. Beside the point.
The actual point I was making was how bloody miserable I have been feeling. And I am trying to remain upbeat but it is damn hard when you dont feel very upbeat. The usual things help alleviate the feeling; spending time with friends/loved ones, driving etc. but that miserable feeling is ready to pounce as soon as I stop and rest. So I have just been tolerating it because I know it will pass (just might have to wait fucking years…). That’s the problem; you know it’ll pass but you don’t know when. Anyway I’m arguing with my brain here… which in a way, is part of the solution… my brain.
When I write, my brain just switches off and my hands just type on my phone or tablet. And then I start to hear a commentary (my own voice; not a strangers voice), and my tiny little mind will throw up the words I need to express how I feel inside. And then I read it all back and think “where the fuck did that come from?”.
The whole reason for this blog was because sometimes when things feel so draining, writing for me, can become quite amusing. And all it took was for me to read back a message I’d just sent a friend about early mornings.
Haha I don’t do early. Unless I wake up early… but that’s rare… usually I wake up late. When I wake up early I go all out and make it as early as 3am sometimes. Not cool!
Sometimes it takes hardly anything. And that makes it all the more interesting actually and is something to look into further. But not now. Now I need to rest. Humour is exhausting.